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He called it a 'project' to help me work my feelings out about things. Whatever, I will give it a shot.And for my kids, not just for me. I need to be whole for them.In losing Anita, I seem to have also lost myself. I mean, I'm a proud guy. I've always been the one others call when they have problems. I was in the Navy and did two deployments to Iraq, so I'm not a crybaby, I'm a realist. The diagnosis was made, and we sought treatment. We did all we could, but cancer is an invitation to the other side to which, in most cases, the RSVP can not be withdrawn.Nothing motivates me now. It's as if I'm on autopilot, and everything I do is just part of my programming. I haven't even gone back to work yet. It'd probably help me to keep busy, but I can only think of my precious wife and how much I miss her just being here.Those few seconds in the morning when I first wake up, are the only peace I get.Until I remember...Journal Entry Number Two:Anita came to me last night. It wasn't my. I kept licking and tonguing until she started pushing my head away gasping for air. I reluctantly stopped servicing her but frankly I was like a bull in heat. I rolled her over and began licking her ass hole. She said, “No, NO, don’t do that, no one has ever touched me down there please don’t… ugngh, unngh oh Billy that feels so good.” I stiffened my tongue and tongue fucked her ass, I rimmed, licked and kissed her ass as she pushed her ass against my face until she climaxed and gave me another squirt of her love juice. Maryanne didn’t like me playing with her ass so I never knew the pleasure one could get there until that moment. I guess Maryanne was right, I do have good instincts when it comes to lovemaking, which makes me a natural.I went back to her pussy and gave her pussy another French lesson while strumming her clit with my finger. Oh Billy, that feels so good, it’s been so long, so long.” I took her pussy lips into my mouth and sucked on her until she began bucking.
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